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44. 044 - It’s complicated! - Sari van Anders
49:44||Ep. 44What if sexuality wasn’t a spectrum?My guest in this episode is Sari Van Anders, who is a very multi-faceted scientist and thinker. Drawing on her experience in behavioural science and neuroscience, plus gender and queer thinking, Sari and her team have built an incredibly refreshing concept for how we can think of ourselves as sexual beings.We tend to think of our gender and sex as one thing, and that we are attracted to others based on their gender and sex (eg, I’m a man who fancies men so I’m gay). But it’s much more complicated than that! Which is why I just say I’m ‘queer’! Sexual Configurations Theory (SCT), which is Sari’s idea, includes other factors like how many partners you fancy, how body parts are distinct from gender identities, and the relative strength of different kinks in making up our desire. I’d love to know what you think of SCT — listen to Sari and let me know ;) A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com. Hosted, produced and edited by Adam ZmithMusic: Translife by OthonArtwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka ÖbergExecutive Producer: Tash WalkerAn Aunt Nell Production
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43. 043 - Licensed sex - Karl Verboten
46:51||Ep. 43How should we regulate sex clubs?My guest in this episode is Karl Verboten, one of the masterminds behind one of London’s greatest kink club nights, Klub Verboten.Karl told me the story of how Klub Verboten had to fight an archaic licensing system in order to hold parties that are sex-positive and safe at the same time. It’s a really fascinating story to do with local politics, legal regulations, the relationship between club promoters and the police — and it even involves kinky people sending sexy photos of themselves to the local council!Karl has discovered that good sex spaces require dialogue between promoters and the authorities. Together, Karl believes, they are creating a new culture around sex spaces that places ‘traditional knowledge’ from the kink community at its heart. A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com. Hosted, produced and edited by Adam ZmithMusic: Translife by OthonArtwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka ÖbergExecutive Producer: Tash WalkerAn Aunt Nell Production42. 042 - Tone shift - Zachary Zane
43:23||Ep. 42Are sex-positive people too self-righteous?My guest in this episode is Zachary Zane, a writer whose work focuses on sex and, well, his own experiences as a bisexual slut. Zach literally wrote the book on being a Boyslut.Zach came on Free Sex to talk about how writers like him (and me), and anyone else talking about sex politics, can improve how we talk about sex. If we are hoping to build a world of free sex, we need to share information about sex in a way that doesn’t alienate people or ‘call them out’. I was super interested in hearing Zach’s opinions on this, mixed with his own experiences of writing about sex. We even discussed the backlash to Zach’s writings about STIs, and how that was an example of why we need to talk about sex in a more loving and compassionate way.A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com. Hosted, produced and edited by Adam ZmithMusic: Translife by OthonArtwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka ÖbergExecutive Producer: Tash WalkerAn Aunt Nell Production41. BONUS: The rent is killing my sex life
12:40||Ep. 41What a dominatrix taught me about universal basic incomeThis is an audio version of an essay from the Free Sex Substack - subscribe now to receive my writing into your inbox, and to support my work.Would you join me in a thought experiment? We all have basic needs, such as food and shelter. And most of us have to cover these ourselves. Even though governments promise to provide our basic needs, people are starving and sleeping rough. We fudge through life trying to make sure we have somewhere nice to rest, and that we can go to bed on a full stomach. I’m thinking through the different freedoms that we each have due to the meeting of our basic needs. If I didn’t pay rent, would I have free sex? Hosted, produced and edited by Adam ZmithMusic: Translife by OthonArtwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka ÖbergExecutive Producer: Tash WalkerAn Aunt Nell Production40. 040 - Free money is sexy - Eva Oh
50:42||Ep. 40What if we didn’t need to work to earn money?My guest in this episode is Eva Oh, a dominatrix who wants everyone to have their basic needs financially covered. This was such a philosophical conversation, and I loved it! Eva argues that we can build a world of free sex if we adopt a universal basic income — people would have more time to investigate their own sexuality, instead of having to work so hard just to cover their basic needs. She shared stories from her own life, including how her own fearlessness has helped her to grow a hugely successful career as a dominatrix. We don’t talk enough about how money (or lack of) holds us back from the sex that we want, so I’m grateful to Eva for bringing this issue onto the podcast. It sounds like a heavy topic, but in Eva’s hands it’s also fun and mind-expanding. Let me know what you think!A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com. Hosted, produced and edited by Adam ZmithMusic: Translife by OthonArtwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka ÖbergExecutive Producer: Tash WalkerAn Aunt Nell Production39. 039 - No normal - Silva Neves
45:54||Ep. 39How can we flip the script on what sex and relationships can be?My guest in this episode is Silva Neves, who is a psychosexual and relationships psychotherapist. Silva sees all sorts of clients with different challenges to do with sex and relationships, so he’s a fascinating person to talk to about free sex. His big idea is that we need to know ourselves without the influences of society. That’s a hard task, of course! But Silva broke it down for me. We talked about the power of films and stories, the question of what’s ‘natural’ when it comes to sex and relationships, and even how to resist answering the question ‘So when are you going to get married?’A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com. Hosted, produced and edited by Adam ZmithMusic: Translife by OthonArtwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka ÖbergExecutive Producer: Tash WalkerAn Aunt Nell Production38. 038 - Kink as an identity - Richard Sprott
49:49||Ep. 38Should we change our sexuality labels?My guest in this episode is Richard Sprott, a psychologist and sexuality researcher. Richard’s been exploring human sexuality for 20 years but says he’s still “at the beginning” of understanding it. His principle, developing, idea is about ‘kink identity’—which could help us to get to a world of free sex.The idea is that our kink identities can be just as significant as our sexual orientations. In fact, for some people, much more so. Richard and his colleagues have used their findings from lots of studies to propose that we can place our sexualities into different themes of kink experience, namely sex, power, headspace and community. It’s a super interesting framing that could change how we view each other, sexually. A transcript of this episode is available on freesex.substack.com. Hosted, produced and edited by Adam ZmithMusic: Translife by OthonArtwork: photo of Borneo mealworm by @DamasterCarabus / design by Adam Zmith and Rebecka ÖbergExecutive Producer: Tash WalkerAn Aunt Nell Production