Footballland

S02 E31 | Emerson Royal With Cheese, He Doesn't Want It! & The Back Pass

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Happy Easter to all our Footballland Earholders! And a special Happy Easter to Patreon Graham Boosey, who pitches the grass roots experience HE DOESN'T WANT IT.

Footballland is really taking shape now. With just 6 months until opening day we're proud to have designed nearly 200 rides directly or loosely related to football. And our Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer Mark Davison informs us that he will start building them as soon as he has a bit more free time.

So here's what the rides is this week:

EMERSON ROYAL WITH CHEESE

Mark makes the very dubious claim that all theme parks have waxworks (before failing to name a single proper theme park with a waxwork). He therefore demands that Footballland include a waxworks with all the footballers recreating famous scenes from Hollywood history.

HE DOESN'T WANT IT

Patreon Graham Boosey pitches us his nightmarish grass roots football experience, because if there's one thing the punters in Qatar need, it's a faithful reenactment of a hungover Sunday league game on Hackney Marshes.

THE BACK PASS

"Dare you ride The Back Pass?" A genuinely terrifying, thrill-every-other-minute offering from Anthony this week, who unveils a ride version of the scariest moment in football - when a back pass to the keeper is slightly underhit.

As ever, send us your ride ideas for this wonderful theme park - we'll discuss each and every one.

Yours lovingly and professionally,

Anthony Richardson (CEO)

Mark Davison (Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer)

Ryan Baxter (Intern)

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