Overnight Underground News
Overnight Underground News June 11th 2020
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The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today's headlines:
A confederacy in Seattle. Statues fall everywhere. If you’re bald don’t get covid. Hot pants are back. NASCAR bans it’s unofficial symbol and you computer may be a slave owner.
These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.
Seattle goes full retard
Not sure if you’ve been keeping up on the continuing saga of protesters and their confederacy happening in Seattle. But here’s a brief rundown. A group of protesters have taken over a six block area in downtown Seattle and christened it the “Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone.” Included in this area is a police station, which the Seattle police have abandoned and surrendered to the protesters. The new leaders of the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone have renamed the police precinct the “Seattle People Department.” Although the protesters say it’s all about peace and love, there have been alleged instances of violence, profiling and shakedowns of business in the new Zone. The Police and city government have decided not to react to the rebellion and the Governor said during a news conference that he didn’t even know the Capitol Hill Autonomous Zone even existed. Wait, you’ve got a group setting up an autonomous government in your states largest city, and you don’t even know about it. Trump has called for the Mayor and Governor to act and they have tweeted back that they think the President is a nincompoop or something. Trump has threatened to send in his own goon squad to liberate the area from the current goon squad and take back the city. Now comes news that in Portland, a group there is attempting to set up their own Autonomous Zone. Come on, it’s not anarchy, they’re just setting up a new HOA. The whole thing is a total shit show.
Statues next on the cancel culture chopping block
The cancel culture has turned up the cancel to eleven. Statues are coming down in the US and England faster than you can say critical race theory. A statue of Confederate President Jefferson Davis was ripped from it’s plinth in Richmond and statues of Columbus in Boston, Miami and Virginia have been vandalised. In England, there even after a statue of the head of the Boyscouts. In Portsmouth, Virginia, a statue of Confederate President Jefferson Davis seriously injured a protester as it fell and whacked said protester squarely on the noggin. The pronoun is reportedly in critical condition. In England a statue of Queen Victoria was sexualized and defaced with black lives matter graffiti. I’ve got an idea, let’s tear all the statues down, everywhere and replace every single one of them with statues of our lord and savior George Floyd. Mount Rushmore, George Floyd. Lincoln Memorial, George Floyd. Will that make you happy? Didn’t think so.
Leave it to cleaver
You ever notice that every couple of days there’s some Chinese human that ends up with something lodged in their or some other uncompromising or unfortunate body part. The Daily Mail reports, complete with footage available to watch at the overnight underground website, of a man in the Hubei province walking into a hospital with a meat cleaver squarely implanted in his skull. According to the article the mishap took place after a heated argument. Probably over MSG.
Bald men suffer more, from coronavirus
Well here’s the latest piece of science you can probably ignore. According to Professor Carlos Wambier of Brown University, bald men may suffer more from coronavirus. The New York Post reports that the follically challenged may have a much higher vulnerability to the disease. In one study, almost eighty percent of coronavirus patients in three Madrid hospitals were bald. I wonder how they explain all the women dead from the disease. Maybe it’s time to buy stock in Rogaine, Trump will undoubtedly start touting it as a cure any minute now.
Hot pants make comeback
Well here’s some good news No really! Hot pants are back in fashion. Yahoo is reporting that those butt huggin’ short shorts are back and just in time for the steamy summer weather. Because in today’s political climate, nothing says liberation quite like the objectification of women.
Other cancelations
Just in case you were wondering, Coachella and the StageCoach 2020 festivals have been officially canceled.
Sound byte of the day
Here’s my favorite sound-byte of the day, it’s a protest in a Seattle municipal building .Someone got told.
NASCAR surrenders the flag
NASCAR has banned the flying of the Confederate flag at its races. Makes you wonder, what are the rednecks going to wear? They all gonna’ go naked? There is no truth to the rumor that the hammer and sickle sidgel are the new official colors for NASCAR. After all, the drivers have only been turning left for decades now. On next year's NASCAR schedule, the Compton 500.
Your computer is racist
I’ll bet you didn’t see this one coming. In light of the current politically correct climate, CNet is reporting a growing movement to update terms used with hard drives, camera flashes and databases. There is a growing howl from the woke circles in tech to erase the terms "master" and "slave." The terms are used to describe the relationships between two computer hard drives and other hardware relationships, such as camera flashes. Come on, just admit it, it really is getting ridiculous isn’t it.