That's Where I'm At
From Attempted Murder to Life Transformation: J Lumen's Journey from Surviving to Thriving
Published: 11 June 2025 at 14:00 Europe/London
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Episode notes
In this powerful episode of "That's Where I'm At," host Laura sits down with J Lumen, a certified Life Transformation and Empowerment Coach who knows firsthand what it means to feel completely trapped in life. J's story takes a shocking turn when what started as feeling stuck in the wrong relationship and wrong job escalated to a terrifying night that ended with her ex-boyfriend's arrest for attempted murder—her attempted murder. This life-altering experience became the catalyst for J to stop tolerating her life and start truly living it. Through her "Unknown Bucket List Approach," J teaches others how to make "micro shifts" that lead to major life transformations. This conversation dives deep into overcoming the fear of judgment, recognizing the power of "mini moments," building what J calls a "force field of resilience," and learning to live without regret. J shares practical strategies for those feeling trapped by circumstances, guilt, or doubt, showing how to break free from the cycle of tolerance and step into a life worth celebrating.
J Lumen is a certified Life Transformation and Empowerment Coach who understands intimately what it means to feel trapped in the wrong life. After years of being stuck in an unfulfilling relationship where she knew she'd say no if proposed to, and a job she hated but felt financially obligated to keep, J made the difficult decision to pay for her boyfriend to move over 1000 miles away to live with his family. Two months later, he returned unexpectedly, and the night ended with his arrest for attempted murder—her attempted murder. This traumatic wake-up call became the turning point that transformed J from someone who was merely surviving to someone truly thriving. She created "The Unknown Bucket List Approach," a methodology focused on making "micro shifts" and collecting "mini moments" to create meaningful life changes. J is passionate about helping others stop tolerating their lives and start living without regret, teaching that you don't have to wait for major life upheavals to begin creating the life you want. Her philosophy centers on the belief that "if you're not dead, you're not done" and that everyone deserves to live a life they don't regret.
Key Topics Discussed:- From Trapped to Taking Action: Feeling stuck in the wrong relationship and wrong job, and the difficult decision to change her circumstances
- The Attempted Murder Wake-Up Call: How surviving a life-threatening situation became the catalyst for complete life transformation
- The Unknown Bucket List Approach: J's methodology for identifying overlooked achievements and leveraging them for future growth
- Micro Shifts vs. Major Overhauls: Why small, intentional changes are more sustainable and effective than waiting for big life events
- Mini Moments That Matter: Learning to recognize and celebrate small achievements that build momentum for larger goals
- Overcoming Fear of Judgment: Strategies for dealing with criticism from family, friends, and colleagues when making life changes
- Building a Force Field of Resilience: Creating strong boundaries that protect your energy and maintain your progress
- The Tolerance Trap: How society teaches us to "suck it up" and why this mindset keeps us stuck in unfulfilling lives
- Living Without Regret: The philosophy of making decisions based on what you'll regret least, not what others expect
- Collecting Your Past Wins: How to look back at your life and recognize achievements you've been dismissing as insignificant
- The Balance of Time: Living like life is both short and long—urgent enough to take action, patient enough to build sustainably
- Redefining Success: Moving from external validation to internal satisfaction and authentic self-expression
- Supporting Others vs. Self-Care: How to maintain relationships while prioritizing your own growth and boundaries
"Life happens. And it's good or bad. It's unexpected, random, unplanned... And then we have to react. And that's what shift happens."
"We don't have to wait for that shift to happen before we start living the life that we don't regret."
"If you're not dead, you're not done."
"It's just about living a life that you don't regret because it is yours. So you should live the one you want without fear or influence."
"If you are wanting to do this and also this, then you decide which one you're going to regret the least. And you do that."
"You can look back at your life and you can start seeing all the things that you've done and that you've experienced and you can basically uncover the bucket list of your life that you've been living."
"Most people would not even give themselves enough credit... But those are the little mini moments that I'm talking about."
"Once your way of thinking has been shifted, you'll never go back."
"We're taught as adults that we have to suck it up and tolerate so many things... No, so who? That's a story."
"Live like life is short and live like life is long. And it's about finding the balance in between."
ResourcesHost Laura's Resources:
- YOU'RE NOT CRAZY, RECLAIMING YOUR SANITY AND SELF-WORTH AFTER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE ebook: GET IT HERE
- MARRIED TO A "NICE" GUY: GETTING OVER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE: SHOP HERE
- COACH WITH LAURA: https://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com/coachwithlaura
- PRIVATE FACEBOOK SUPPORT GROUP: https://www.facebook.com/groups/marriedtoaniceguy/
J Lumen's Resources:
- Website: The Unknown Bucket List - stop waiting and start living
- Free Life Assessment: https://resumeyourlife.com/
- LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/jlumen8
- Instagram: @theunknownbucketlist
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theunknownbucketlist/
- TikTok: @theunknownbucketlist
- Follow the Podcast: http://www.thatswhereimatpodcast.com
- Host: Laura, podcast host and author focused on healing from narcissistic abuse
- Mission: Sharing stories with women in the middle of the mess, showing up bravely as they heal
- Community: Creating space for women to learn, grow, and heal together through shared experiences
Loved this episode? J's story proves that our worst moments can become the catalyst for our greatest transformations. Her journey from feeling trapped and tolerating life to creating a methodology that helps others thrive shows that "shift happens"—and we don't have to wait for tragedy to start living the life we deserve. Sometimes the most powerful changes begin with the smallest shifts, and every mini moment matters in building the life you won't regret.
Produced and edited by Resilient Voice Media. Visit us at www.resilientvoicemedia.com
