The Crappy Childhood Fairy Podcast with Anna Runkle

Trying to “Save” The People You Date Helps No One

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Episode notes

The “Savior Complex” is a horrible obsession, where instead of getting to know someone and seeing if there is harmony and potential for you as friends or as partners – you immediately imagine a version of them that is DIFFERENT than what they are. And then you set about trying to make them INTO that imaginary person you have in mind. You might call this "helping" them, or "healing" them (for people with CPTSD, this is almost always the expression of a trauma wound), but really what’s going on is manipulation and control. It’s not really about helping them with something they require – it’s about helping you to relieve an anxious emptiness inside, and in the end it will take a toll on both of you. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who has a compulsion to "heal" people who are not available for a relationship.

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