Footballland

Diego Maradona's "Hands Like God" Nail Bar | Footballland Ep 25

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Good morrow, Footballlanders!

It's another episode from the world's first football theme park! And what an episode it is! This week we're treated to Peter Shilton's love/hate/erotic relationship with Diego Maradona, a helter skelter in the form of a manager's nose, and something really weird featuring Sean Dyche. This week's rides IN FULL:

The Hands Like God Nail Bar

Guests at Footballland can sate all their manicure needs with a special treatment performed by an Argentinian child on cocaine THE EXACT SAME HEIGHT as Diego Maradona!

Mick McCarthy's Helter Skelter

Patron Andrew Monument has noticed that Cardiff manager Mick McCarthy has a slightly funny shaped nose. This was apparently enough for him to suggest a slide mimicking its dimensions. The result is a triumph of fibreglass engineering.

Sean Dyche's Bread And Butter Defending

Mark claims that Sean Dyche refers to 'bread and butter defending' a lot (though we can't recall a single example of this) so has coated a football pitch in butter for an experience unrivalled in any other theme park. We can't wait to get that stench of rancid butter in 45 degree Qatari heat pumping through our nostrils!

And don't forget to send us your football theme park ride ideas! We'll feature every single one!

Footballland Explained:

Anthony Richardson has accidentally been given $1 billion dollars by Qatar to build a football-themed theme park in Qatar for the 2022 World Cup. He and Mark Davison (Chief Ride Engineer) are in a race against the clock to design and commission the most exciting football theme park rides in the history of amusements.

Anthony Richardson, CEO of Footballland

Mark Davison, Lord Sir Chief Ride Engineer

Ryan Baxter, Intern.

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