It's Not Rocket Science! Five Questions Over Coffee
Five Questions Over Coffee with Alex Dumas (ep. 107)
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Episode notes
Who is Alex?
Alex Dumas is a passionate advocate for representation and diversity in the boardroom. Facing the fear of failure and the pressure of succeeding for future generations, Alex understands the importance of focusing on the generational impact while not sabotaging oneself. With a belief in regrouping and recovering from mistakes, Alex aims to break the stigma attached to people of color in the corporate world. Through their work, Alex is committed to creating a more inclusive and accepting environment for all professionals.
Key Takeaways
00:00 Challenges facing people of color in leadership.
04:37 Coaching changed perspectives, empowering questions lead forward.
07:00 Nonprofit leaders face burnout from overcommitment.
12:47 Free audio gift to improve leadership skills.
16:59 Early coaching was about impressing, now understanding matters.
20:26 Alex, thank you for the insightful chat.
22:02 Grateful for the opportunity to make a difference.
Valuable Free Resource or Action
Download a FREE audio lesson https://www.alexdumascoaching.com/f/everybody-wins
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Transcript
Note, this was transcribed using a transcription software and may not reflect the exact words used in the podcast)
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
world champion boxer, warm up, business leaders, mindset, fear, competition, inspirational, motivational speaker, teamwork, individual, team, potential, self-improvement, frequency of vibration, mindset, brain health, Samaritan, mental boxing, mental health, future, identity crisis, depression, bankruptcy, Landmark Forum, team support, positivity, newsletter, insights, life lessons, business owners
SPEAKERS
Alex Dumas, Stuart Webb
Stuart Webb [00:00:15]:
Hi, and welcome back to It's Not Rocket Science five questions over Coffee. My, well, my coffee is here in front of me. I'm here with Alex, my guest today. Alex, really pleased to have you on. Alex is a a keynote speaker and executive coach. He's a a a global movement leader, and he's the VP of the BIPOC Coach Collective and a partner of black leaders worldwide. Again, a man with a really impressive CV. So I'm really looking forward to the to the discussion we're gonna have today.
Stuart Webb [00:00:42]:
Alex, welcome to It's Not Rocket Science. Five questions over coffee.
Alex Dumas [00:00:48]:
Hey. Great morning, Stuart. Thank you for this invitation. Looking forward to this conversation.
Stuart Webb [00:00:53]:
Terrific. Well, look. Let's start with the the the the the reason that we're here, Alex. So who who are the people you're trying to help? You know, you've got an impressive CVU. You're working with some impressive people. Who who are those people that you're trying to help? What What's the the main problem they face in their business and personal lives?
Alex Dumas [00:01:11]:
Yeah. Great question. A lot of my work has been centered around black executive men, BIPOC leaders of color. So sometimes they're in the corporate spaces. Sometimes they're entrepreneurs, so they're coaches, consultants, things of that nature. And there's some specific challenges that they're having. Some of them look like this Webb leaders, in this case, can feel isolated. They can feel lonely because they may be the only one in the room that looks like them.
Alex Dumas [00:01:37]:
They may be going to boardrooms or having these conversations in c suite, and they're they're trying to crack over get in that room or if they're they're already in there, they're like, well, I'm the only one here. Maybe I'm not gonna be respected. Maybe I'm not gonna be, accepted, which is a big challenge. They have this fear of failure. Right? They're carrying this pressure of, I have to succeed so that generations down the line have opportunities too, and I'm a big proponent of that. I I really believe in making sure we focus on the generational impact, but not to the degree where it sabotages ourselves, where we harm ourselves to to be perfect, to get everything right because, Stuart, if you're like me, you make mistakes. You you flub, you you you mess up things, and then you regroup and recover. And, unfortunately, out here in America, there is that challenge of if you do mess up, if you're a person of color, then there's that stigma attached.
Alex Dumas [00:02:39]:
Like, oh, maybe he wasn't good enough. Maybe she wasn't smart enough, maybe we rushed her into this promotion, maybe he's not really built for this yet. And so there is that pressure to to perform, but at the same time, I look at helping them expand their dreams. Right? The dreams of this generational impact of breaking these generational curses of achieving these the financial freedom that is vital for our lives. So if someone says, hey. Money's not important. Like, let's just get back into reality for a second. Money is pretty important to support a lifestyle and and support different ventures that they five.
Alex Dumas [00:03:22]:
And and really the the the big dream is embracing their authenticity. Right? Just
Stuart Webb [00:03:30]:
Mhmm.
Alex Dumas [00:03:30]:
Being themselves, showing up, and feeling the weight release, feeling the feeling the pressure gone, and they know that they can do their best work without this this weight on them. So those are the type of things that I work on with clients and one on one are in groups, and these are the secret dreams, the secret fears that sometimes they don't wanna admit, but it's there. That's it's what gets in the way most times of really breaking through ascending to a neck to their next level of success.
Stuart Webb [00:04:01]:
Alex, tell me, you you've talked talked passionately there about, you know, getting away from some of those sort of barriers that that that inhibit. I know I know you must look at some of these leaders and think, well, you know, these are the things you're doing wrong, and I'll I'll get to that in a minute. But how did you overcome some of those, some of those problems yourself? How did you manage to break through from where you were into where you are now?
Alex Dumas [00:04:37]:
Yeah. Good question. There's a combination of things. 1, I would say coaching was one of the big maybe maybe the biggest influence of helping me just see life differently because I came from a background of middle middle class, you know, youngest of 4 children. So I'd like to say that my parents saved the best for last, But I grew up not feeling important, feeling invisible, being in different spaces where I didn't feel heard, I didn't feel seen. And what I saw is the differences, the quality of questions I would ask myself when I was younger, going into young adulthood, all these different things. I would ask myself questions five, why is life this way? Why can't I have this? Why isn't this meant for me or why can't I be here? Those aren't bad questions, but what I found was a space to ask myself empowering questions. Questions like, well, what do I wanna create from this? What do I wanna choose to do here? Who's available or what is available that can help me and that can serve me? How can I contribute? Right? That helps that's helped me move forward.
Alex Dumas [00:05:43]:
So coaching and and mentorship has been a big part and, obviously, the other big revelation or the the big influence in my life has been my wife. My wife, Sarah, we've been together now for 18 years, married for 14, and she is one of the first people outside of my family, you know, and and friends, but someone who really helped me anchor and ground myself and see possibility. And I like to say it like this, if I could see a possibility that I could be in the possibility. If I don't see an option, if I don't believe that there's an opportunity for me, then the obstacles are just gonna be all I see. That's gonna be in front of my face, and I won't be able to advance.
Stuart Webb [00:06:29]:
That's great news. That's great. Jules, just giving you a a big big big up big up there, Alex, with with Go Alex. So I'm pleased. Jules, thank you for watching in. So we we were talking a little bit about some of the the leaders you're trying to help. Tell me, you know, what is it they've done before they sort of turn to the sort of advice, coaching that you can bring to them and help them? How have they tried to effectively, how have they tried to solve their own problem?
Alex Dumas [00:07:00]:
Yeah. They they've gone down a road that I've gone down when I was in nonprofit leadership for for 10 years where, 1, I would say they would try too hard. Right? Just try to force, like I mentioned before, the the pressure, they might look like working long hours, less sleep, kinda getting on the grind, you know, 5 AM wake up, 2 2 AM, go to sleep. Right? And just having this unhealthy attachment and and really addiction to trying to be successful in sacrificing time with family, sacrificing their own health journey, sacrificing if they're a person of faith or spiritual practice. Right? Because they have to get it done. They have to achieve it. They have to make the thing happen. Another challenge that I see for them and and I laugh because this is this is my life for many years of not asking for help of I should know this already.
Alex Dumas [00:07:56]:
I'm in this position. If I ask, then someone's gonna know that I don't know the answer, and then I look Stuart, and then they don't trust me and right? All these things that we make up in our heads, and that's that breeds resentment. That breeds gossiping. And some workplace things are are real. You know, you might hear the term microaggressions. You might hear the term, you know, I can't think of the other words right now, but just stay Webb you on this. Right? The resentment, the gossiping, and that energy attaches itself to you. Right? If I'm thinking about this manager, I don't like her Webb don't like him.
Alex Dumas [00:08:37]:
He's always doing this to me. Right? We come back into this victim place. This is where Mhmm. The the men I've and and clients I've worked with, that's where they struggle the most when they're putting their attention on what this person's doing and what they're up to and how they affected them. And, really, let's not victim blame. Right? It's not shame, but they take responsibility. What am I doing? Who am I being? Where am I coming from when I'm in this process or in this scenario?
Stuart Webb [00:09:07]:
Yeah. Yeah. I it's true, isn't it? We we so often, and I I see this with with with business leaders. They're they're focusing on, you know, what is it they're doing and and and they they choose to respond in a negative way to something. And you sort of say, well, the the the choice was entirely yours. You can choose 1 of 2 paths, and you always seem to choose the one that's somehow destructive to yourself. It is about taking that choice and making that that decision to say no. You know, like you said, your wife helped you to see if there's a if there's a path that will take take you better.
Stuart Webb [00:09:46]:
Take the path that will take you better. Even if somebody else is doing something, don't worry about it. You have to choose that path.
Alex Dumas [00:09:53]:
Yeah. It doesn't diminish it. It doesn't I I say it like this from the stage. Just because you can do anything doesn't mean you have to do everything.
Stuart Webb [00:10:01]:
Yes. Agreed. Absolutely.
Alex Dumas [00:10:03]:
Watching, someone listening, I want you to really, like, put a finger in your ear so it doesn't go out and doesn't go in and go out the other. Right? You can do anything. Yeah. You're you're more than capable. You're highly qualified. You have track record of success, but recognize there's over people in those space who can serve you, that can help you, that can actually get you there faster than you can do on your own and with more ease and with grace. And at the end of the day, who doesn't wanna have more fun in the success process? Right? This in our on our destination. It doesn't have to be this, oh, goodness.
Alex Dumas [00:10:39]:
I gotta do it all myself, and I'm self made. Nobody that I've ever met has been self made. And if they are, then they won't admit it because they're probably in the self destructive mode, and they can't see it.
Stuart Webb [00:10:52]:
Yeah. I love that, Alex. I really do love that. And I I suppose, my own journey, I I was a scientist long before I started out in business and I worked out very early on that I, you know, I was standing on the shoulders of giants because they'd come before me and worked out principles that I was just gonna extend. And, you know, so I've never ever understood this belief that somehow to be successful, you have to be self made because as far as I can see, we're all standing we're all standing on somebody else's, successes and somebody else's movement. And even if you only add a a small amount to that, as long as you add in the right way, that takes you forward. It takes everybody forward. You can lift you can lift everybody out.
Stuart Webb [00:11:34]:
I I do find it disappointing that people don't see that they can actually sort of, take that take the take take the positives and and move things forward. Let let's just turn to to to one of the sorry. Go ahead.
Alex Dumas [00:11:50]:
No. I was gonna stow this analogy out where someone told this to me long time ago about this principle of of being self made and doing it all yourself. And they asked me, it was, how how many people does it take to make a peanut butter jelly sandwich? And my initial response is like, oh, it's me. I just take the bread and I'm so, like, well, did you eat the bread? Did you package it? Did you do all these things? Did how'd you did you, were you the blacksmith that that forged the knife, the butter knife? Right? So there's a lot more out there. There's a lot more people who are contributing to your success than you believe.
Stuart Webb [00:12:24]:
Absolutely brilliant. Love the analogy. Love the analogy. Have you got a a valuable piece of advice? And I'm sort of gonna put, that your your website here. Have you got a valuable piece of advice or something that you'd leave with people that you can you can direct them to that that would help them in their journey to to take on some of the stuff you talking about?
Alex Dumas [00:12:47]:
Yeah. One of the things I would share with them is, free audio that I've recorded. It's called everybody wins 3 mistakes that leaders make, and it kinda touches on some of the things we spoke about earlier where the the pressure to perform, the the loneliness, the the hiding, the not asking for help, these are the things that get in the way of making innovative change of what Five looked to call generational impact and and uplifting communities. And this is a free audio gift. It's something I give away when I talk, so another way that I can be of use is come book me to speak for your team, for your organization. WiTalk is the win win communicator. It's a new way for leaders to listen, and it's it's coming from a place of not necessarily the tools of, like, you gotta actively listen and make sure you I really look at it from the space of, like, your state of being. Who are you when you're listening to people? What are the biases that you're holding? What are the what's the chatter inside of you that is blocking you from connecting with somebody? And and one of my signature phrases that I love to say is build a bigger bubble, and this kinda goes into the the premise of doing you could do anything, but not you don't have to do everything.
Alex Dumas [00:13:59]:
So building a bigger bubble meaning expanding, having a dream, having a vision so big that your team, your your your family, anybody around you can see themselves inside of it, and they actually start to champion you. They start to advocate. They start to be your evangelist of, man, this is where we're going. This is what we're doing. Who doesn't love following somebody or being on a journey with somebody who's got who's up to something big. Right? Who's up to a a huge a huge bigger larger than life vision, and it might seem impossible, but it's only impossible till we do it.
Stuart Webb [00:14:34]:
Brilliant. I've put the the link, to to that, which is on your website. I'll just read it out for those people who are unable at the moment to to to write anything down, but this will be in the show notes, people. It's a h t t p s colon forward slash for effect, www. Alexander Dumas coaching. That's that's obviously Alexander Dumas. He he can probably work at.
Alex Dumas [00:14:55]:
But but I do Alex on. Like, I'm I'm after yeah. After the Alexander Dumas.
Stuart Webb [00:15:00]:
Yeah. Alexand dumascoaching.comforward/f/ everybody hyphen wins. So that's alexdumascoaching.com/f/everybodywins. That'll be in the the the the show notes. Go and download that that, that that that audio. It's a free piece of content Alex gives away. So, Alex, thank you for that. Alex, it was there a particular book or a program that, that that that that that that you would leave as a a valuable, valuable thought, that sort of started you thinking about this? You've mentioned your wife.
Stuart Webb [00:15:35]:
There are other things that must have sort of begun to sort of make you the man you are today.
Alex Dumas [00:15:42]:
Yes. Yeah. Thank you. One speech in particular comes to my mind is from Les Brown. It's his famous, you gotta be hungry. Right? Yeah. Because I think he was he was in the Georgia Dome. It was some sometime probably in, like, in the late eighties, maybe early nineties, and it's a speech that Five first watched probably 2014, maybe 2015, and it to me, in my opinion, is the best speech I've ever seen, ever written, like, I've, to this day.
Alex Dumas [00:16:13]:
Right? I still come to it, and I still find inspiration from it. I still find nuggets from it. So that as part of an audio and seeing myself, right, seeing that model then and having this vision, this dream for myself of maybe I could do that. What would it be five if I were in front of a stadium full of people? You know, MetLife Stadium. I'm from New York originally, so I think about Giant Stadium. Like, wow. What would it be like if I could be there or Madison Square Garden? So that's one piece of content. The other book that I would say has greatly influenced my work as coaches called The Prosperous Coach that's was written by Steve Chandler and Rich Lipman, and it helped me it it connected with me in a space that it helped me slow down and look at authentic connections with people.
Alex Dumas [00:16:59]:
Because a lot of my early work as a coach was kind of spray and pray, kinda hunt and try to kill and get attention, look at me, and and be impressive. And what I recognize is the distinction of me being impressed Stuart doesn't allow this other person to be expressive. And when the when I work with clients, when I work with people, the thing they really want the most to know is just, do you understand me? Do you get me? Do you see me? Do you understand where I'm coming from? And if I can do that and create a safety for themselves to, you know, just kind of share a little bit more and shed the skin and get the pretenses on them, really get down to who they are and what they're they're looking to do. Miracles occur. That's the best I can call. So Prosper's Coach and that Les Brown talk, you gotta be hungry have been 2 massively influential pieces of content that have shaped who I am.
Stuart Webb [00:17:51]:
Alex, thank you so much. Alex, thank you for spending a few minutes with us. And I guess at the moment, you must be thinking there's a question that he hasn't asked and you really should five asked it by now. So what's the question that I should have asked you? And, obviously, if you were gonna ask a really intelligent question like that, you better give us a really good answer to it. So what is the question that you would don't think that I have asked properly?
Alex Dumas [00:18:15]:
Now this point isn't your fault specifically, but I think a good question that right. I'm gonna put the blame game on. But, all jokes aside, I think the I think the valuable question here would be, how do we help black leaders, black and brown leaders, ascend? Right? I think that's a great question that could be asked, and lucky for you, I have an answer for that. And that specifically is a 1 on 1 container that I I I've created called Ascension. So play on words. You can be like, oh my goodness, Alex. You're cheeky. Yeah.
Alex Dumas [00:18:51]:
Alright. I'm clever. I love to do fun things like that. But Ascension is this it's a 12 week intimate conversation with somebody and looking at helping them advance in their career and helping them to develop themselves as leaders, helping them to build the best practices of building relationships and and networking and building their confidence and looking at their life's work. I don't necessarily subscribe to this thought of work five balance because here I am right now, I'm speaking with you, Stuart. That means I'm ignoring my family. I'm ignoring my kids, Not because I'm bad or I'm a, you know, mean dad, but because my attention is focused on you and my work and also for you, whoever's watching, whoever's listening. My impact right now, I'm focused on you.
Alex Dumas [00:19:38]:
And then when I'm done, I'll be complete, and I'll move on to my family. But the things we've spoken up beef about before about how do we make impact, how do we embrace ourselves authentically, how do we create financial freedom, these are pieces of what Ascension looks like, and it's gonna be this elite edge for black men in business. This opportunity for them to just have that that thing, that one thing that separates them. I don't wanna say the competition, but separates them from holding themselves back and and it's a a beautiful offering that I five to invite anyone listening to to experience for themselves and create major major awareness and breakthroughs for their life and their business. So that's how we can help people ascend.
Stuart Webb [00:20:26]:
Alex, I love I love I love the fact that you've been cheeky about that, and thank you for having a clever answer to a to a question that I didn't didn't ask properly. So, Alex, I really wanna thank you for spending a few minutes with us. I know now you can go and take your focus off talking to silly people like me, and you can go and concentrate on something important like your family and your kids. And, I know you've got 2 2 kids, I think, haven't you? So you can get out there and you can you can go and enjoy your time with them rather than be, rather than be focusing on us. But thank you for spending a few minutes with us and telling us a bit about how you have, overcome those thought processes and how you're helping others to do exactly the same thing to to plow that fat path. Listen, people. I'm gonna wrap up with Alex now because he's got other things to do. If you would like to hear from, from me every week with a with an update on who's coming on to the show next week.
Stuart Webb [00:21:21]:
I send out one every week. And if you wanna do that, if you can go to the HTTP thing, link.thecompleteapproach.co.uk. That's link.thecompleteapproach.co.uk forward slash newsletter. You can come on and, spend a few minutes, just listening to really inspiring talking points from people as inspiring as Alex. And, Alex, I wanna just thank you, for coming on and spending a few minutes. Really appreciate the effort you've taken, and, I wish you I wish you get out and spend some time with your kids because, they're as important as anything else you you're doing at the moment.
Alex Dumas [00:22:02]:
No. Much appreciated. And I'll say this, there's nothing been silly about this conversation. I love the questions. I love your energy, and thank you for inviting me onto this program and for my work. If this is influential, this is supporting, you know, at least over person. Alright? That that sounds like a cliche, but, really, if it helps moves one person, then I've done my job. I've I've served in a way that I know how to do best, and I'm gonna spend some time with the family then get back to doing what I do best, making a difference, and contributing.
Stuart Webb [00:22:33]:
I'm with you on that, Alex. If we can help one person, that's Webb person that we've, we've pushed a little bit further. And who knows? They will take the they they will take us on further. So thank you very much for spending 8 minutes with us.
Alex Dumas [00:22:45]:
You're welcome. Thank you.
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