The Exclusive Club That Dads Don't Wanna Belong To

On the 19th October 2022 my world changed forever, my beautiful Son and heir Jordan died in his sleep aged 41…
One of the hardest things to take is that me and my son wasn’t speaking…people say it’s normal to feel guilty about that as Dads and Sons fall out all the time but I shouldn’t be riddled with guilt as I couldn’t predict his death plus guilt is just one facet of grieving ! 
Over the years I’ve had the sadness watching 6 mates I know bury their Sons and Daughters now I’m a member of that exclusive group but don’t wanna be part of the “CLUB!”.. Each funeral I went to of the lads who’d lost their children I’d be on the outside looking in - despite doing my best to offer support I didn’t really “know”what to say or do - not experiencing the “other pain”- what I mean by other pain is that .. we lose grandparents / parents other relatives and we somehow accept for want of a better word that’s how it’s supposed to be chronologically and we feel pain in them passing ..but when YOUR  CHILD is taken the “other pain”  hits you and it’s an unimaginable feeling ..a primal guttural pain constantly wreaking your brain. An invisible force torturing your body making it fold 
I call it my Tsunami wave cos it hits you out of the blue ..you know everyday it’s coming but don’t know exactly when…And when it hits You…sometimes I’ve been doubled over on my knees and screaming 
So if we can get men together to talk about their experience of grief and “educate” for want of a better word ..”new members” to this club to the feelings they should expect from losing a Son or daughter ..they’ll see the common-denominators between us all..
Trevor..