meredith for real: the curious introvert
Ep. 345: Is Premarital Sex Bad? [REMASTERED]
Published: 25 May 2026 at 06:00 Europe/London
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Episode notes
What is it like to change your mind on something you wrote a best seller on?
Joshua Harris is the author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, a best-selling book in the late ’90s touting courtship as the superior way to find God’s perfect match for you & avoid the perils of sexual sin. It was a required read for many in the evangelical Christian community. In this episode, Josh shares how he changed his mind about the ideas in the book, how our sex lives & careers are connected, and the pros & cons of old-fashioned dating & sexism in the church.
If you liked this episode, you’ll also like episode 331: DISINTANGLING FAITH FROM RELIGIOUS TRAUMA [REMASTERED]
Guests:
https://www.instagram.com/harrisjosh/
https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/clear-loud-with-josh-harris/id1612325690
Sponsors:
https://www.jordanharbinger.com/starterpacks/
https://www.historicpensacola.org/about-us/
00:00 — The purity culture starter pack
00:51 — Why changing your mind is terrifying
01:46 — When “cancel culture” becomes accountability
03:29 — The theology behind courtship culture
04:32 — The generation that tested the experiment
05:42 — When church certainty started collapsing
06:48 — Leaving the pastor role to question everything
07:46 — Seminary made him leave ministry?
09:33 — Does premarital sex actually help people choose better?
10:54 — Why most churches still reject sexual freedom
12:01 — “We got married quickly because we were horny”
13:00 — How purity culture rewires your relationship with sex
14:17 — The impossible expectations placed on women
15:20 — Marrying in high school to avoid sex
16:09 — Mourning the twenties purity culture stole
17:04 — “That regret is real”
18:11 — The heartbreak of choosing the wrong person
19:00 — Why Joshua wishes he’d traveled and dated more
19:53 — Learning to ask: “What do I actually want?”
20:41 — The divorced ex-evangelical support group
21:18 — Are any ideas from I Kissed Dating Goodbye still useful?
22:06 — Tinder burnout and the return of courtship thinking
23:01 — The real problem with modern dating
23:52 — Freedom vs shame-based control
24:43 — Women who thought tampons threatened purity
25:36 — The “formula” women were sold for happiness
26:41 — Parents trying to control teenage sexuality
28:04 — The 1800s obsession with female ignorance
29:15 — The history of prostitution and Christian morality
30:26 — Why Joshua’s sexual inexperience gave him authority
31:07 — Evangelicalism’s addiction to big movements
31:56 — Why twenty-somethings think they can fix the world
32:40 — How should we talk to kids about sex now?
33:03 — Removing shame from sexuality
33:54 — Sexual freedom also includes saying “that’s not for me”
34:52 — Living with one less regret
35:20 — Books and voices critiquing purity culture
36:22 — Joshua’s pivot into podcasting and business
36:34 — “We’re in the same club”
36:41 — The accidental ex-purity culture reunion club
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